Why Do We Keep Doing Things That Don't Make Us Feel Better?
Let’s try an experiment.
Think about something you do to fill a void. Maybe it's snacking when you're not hungry, shopping when you don't need anything, overworking, overexercising, or scrolling for hours. There are countless little things we do throughout our days, sometimes without even thinking about them.
Now, when you think about that habit, what is it that you're wanting from it?
Is it comfort? Connection? A little relief from stress? A way to avoid something you're feeling? What is "the void"?
There's often a particular flavor to these habits. Many begin as something that has brought us pleasure, comfort, or relief in the past. But over time, we may find ourselves turning to them less for enjoyment and more as a way of turning away from something uncomfortable.
Overeating: Maybe what we're really wanting is comfort. A hug. Something that makes us feel cared for.
Having a drink to relax: Perhaps we're overwhelmed and looking for a way to let go of the day's stress.
Overworking: Maybe keeping busy gives us a way to avoid slowing down and noticing how we're actually feeling.
Focusing on other people's problems: Perhaps feeling needed gives us a sense of purpose or worth that we're struggling to find within ourselves.
And sometimes, we're simply looking for a moment of relief. Only to find that the things we turn to cause us a second layer of discomfort.
Of course, the same behavior can mean different things to different people. And sometimes a snack is just a snack. But I wonder what we might discover if, instead of immediately judging these habits or trying to get rid of them, we became curious about them.
What was happening just before we reached for that familiar comfort? What were we feeling? What were we hoping it would give us?
Perhaps the question isn't always How do I stop doing this?
Perhaps sometimes it's What am I actually needing right now?
And maybe that's a place to begin.